Equilibrium

s
I've lost You
when I was born -
I've been
recovering
shards of You
ever since
everywhere -
especially
when I touch bliss
barefoot
You find my heel
& enter me
sharply.
You glitter
on every road,
that's why
I have to keep
walking,
to let You nest
in my flesh.
When it will rot
and fall away,
You will arise
shimmering,
whole -
Your presence,
my absence
our climax
an eclipse.

II.
I've lost you
ten years ago -
you've been with me
ever since.
A decade of leprosy,
watching you flow
through my fingers
tainting my skin
with your snow-white
(threefold) denials
every night
- no longer keeping count.

III.
I've lost you
the moment I had you
a year ago.
Erasing the days
has become so hard -
no sweet amnesia,
my sleep brimming
with tigers.
I offer my flesh
to appease them
'round midnight.
And yet the darkness
hides more peace
than the thrashing
light of day
when I become
a battering ram,
a blunt shatterer
of porcelain masks
& dreams.

I lead my life
from breath to breath
from shard to shard -
piecing together
your absence,
my presence.
s